I Found my Battery

Okay, I write this blog so it's appropriate to write about accomplishments of mine,without thinking I sound pretentious, right?

I'm not a half-assed commitment type of person anymore.

Things in my life have changed.

I have unlocked something that I never want to go away.

I have unlocked a source of willpower that has already enabled me to do so much.

I have taken this willpower and created a New Years Resolution List. This is not some sissy "I'm really gonna do it" promise.

This is an early bucket list.

This is a list of items I have wanted to do for sometime and have been too consumed with distracting myself with daily life to complete.

I am happy to announce I have already completed some items. Just last night I completed another item.

I ran five miles yesterday, nonstop, in 40 minutes. I was a little dehydrated before and during, so when I stopped my face was hot and dry and my eyes were bloodshot.

In the mirror I appeared 20 years older. It was scary, but just a natural effect of not hydrating enough.

This milestone unlocks the next set of items; the 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and finally the mini-marathon 13 mile run.

Dark clouds are clearing and each item brings me closer to realizing a dormant potential that nearly broke under depression, frustration, and hopelessness.
Yesterday, I was alive.

Today, I am alive.

My life expectancy is increasing with each day.

Blankets of Morning Dew

The mist hung around today, the kind of mist that normally appears in the morning and slowly dissipates in the afternoon. The kind of mist that reminds me of all the thoughts and feelings of the day before misting away in our slumber. Every night, anew escaping our minds and flying away into the dark matter of the universe.

But today the mist did not go away. Today, the thoughts and dreams were too strong to evaporate. As I drove around mid afternoon I noticed how differently everything looked shrouded in the mist. Something is changing. Our ideas are wanting to stay.

The collective is coming.

The only ones that can't see will be the ones lost in it.

It could be only a matter of temperature, moisture, and the sun but I would like to think otherwise.

Whistling

There is a wind whistling in my ears,

the kind of wind that drowns every other sound out.

Like alone on the river,

or a nearly empty parking lot.

A wind that stops all motions

that have been spiraling out of control

in the void of a distracted brain.

I first heard a wind in middle school

when I was out for Christmas break.

The sun was shining

and I was alone, alone with a wind.

I could focus then,

but of course with less distraction.

I'm learning to start listening for a wind again

to slow down and think,

and let the rest of my life begin.

Thanks buddy. I've been away for awhile.